I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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