i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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