one might say we're banned from that church
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We were destined to go to rehab together
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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