I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
