I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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