why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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