the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
