My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
