Tell her she can't have a vagina
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
