i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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