Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
