I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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