I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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