Will you blow on my dice?
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
