I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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