I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
