dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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