all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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