I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
