Heybabeimwearingurpanties
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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