he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
