im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Randomize
