do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
