Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
