There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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