how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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