I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
