He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
