finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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