Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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