Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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