Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
