I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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