i was born a porn star she said
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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