i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
