Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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