i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
