I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
