We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
