I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
