Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
