i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
