Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
