Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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