I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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