yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
