Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have aggressive nipples.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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