Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Ketchup is God's man juice
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
