ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize