The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
