it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
