I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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