Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
