I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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