just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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