Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
