I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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